Singleness: A high calling
I was two months shy of 30 years old when I got married. If anyone out there has waited until that age, or older, to get married, you can probably commiserate with me on the conversations, however well meaning, with those who think it is their duty to make sure you find your “special someone” so you can finally be happy. But the conversations don’t stop there. Once married, the next task on their list is to make sure you have children. “Do you have kids?” is often the first question that people ask of you. If the answer is “no”, then they ask you with a suspicious, raised eyebrow, “Do you want kids?” I’ve been married for eight years, and don’t have children; imagine the amount of times I have been questioned about having children. Often, people don’t know how to react when you don’t. They don’t think to ask other questions, such as my dreams, goals – what God has called me to. It can create the sense that someone is less valuable if they don’t have a spouse or children - whether by choice or not. It can cause a person to start doubting their worth.
It’s true that marriage and having children is the norm in society. God created Eve for Adam, and commanded them to be fruitful and multiply. Marriage and raising a family is a high calling, to be sure. However, it comes with a fair share of demanding responsibilities. You can absolutely serve God through that calling, but it’s a different kind of calling that requires a large portion of your attention to be on the horizontal relationships in your life (spouse, kids), which undoubtedly limits the kind of things you could accomplish through the vertical relationship you have with God.
The Apostle Paul understood this: “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs; Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
It is an equally high calling, then – if the Lord does indeed call you to it - to remain single and/or to not have children. Imagine the unhindered obedience you can have to go wherever He calls you.
The truth is, this world is passing away (1 Corinthians 7:31). Our lives are so temporary. Sometimes we may think that life has to look a certain way in order for us to be happy or to have a sense of fulfillment. But may I lovingly say that it’s not about you? And I say that with the truth that as we delight ourselves in the Lord (Psalm 37:4), His desires will become our desires. We will be conformed into the image of Christ, connecting most deeply with the image of God that was placed within us at the moment of conception, and we will find our greatest joy – one that is not dependent on whether we get married or have children, but rather simply on living out the purpose to which God has called us.
My book, Hope from the Broken, mentions some sweet, single girls who have dedicated their lives – or at least this time in their lives – to helping the children of Guatemala who have been discarded by society. To those children, these selfless servants may mean the difference between life and death, and certainly the difference between a life of love or agony. Perhaps in the future, these young women will get married. Perhaps they will not. Either way, they have chosen to serve God during this time in their life, and they trust Him to work out His best plan for each moment He has given them.
“…each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Corinthians 7:17).
The key is to live each moment of our lives submitted to the Lord and His way. Your path may be different than someone else’s. There is no one formula for a happy life, except one that finds certain fulfillment in trusting and obeying our loving Creator, who has a unique call for each of His children.